Simon Mann, who once shared a brain cell with successful British entrepreneur and society raconteur “Sir” Mark Thatcher, has rocked the British establishment by revealing a surprise list of his co-conspirators in the ill fated attempt to overthrow Obi Wan Kenobi the Emperor of Equatorial Guinea.
It was all a bit of a shambles admitted Mann affably; "...one minute the chaps and I were quaffing a few beers in the the back of the plane and ...CRIPES! ... the the next thing we knew we were surrounded by frightfully unfriendly darkies waving machine guns.... and hauled up before the beak with exercise books down our trousers"
Amongst his alleged co-conspirators are a number of ex-inmates of the notorious Eton public school in Windsor, England where Mann studied A' level: Overthrowing small oil rich African States, Mislaid weaponry, and Social Networking.
He was, “Mad” Mike Madison, his house-master and explosives teacher at Eton reflects vaguely, “ an unremarkable student”
Immediately on his release after spending 4 years in jail in "Zimbers" the softly spoken soldier of misfortune was whisked unceremoniously away to Equatorial Guinea and Black Beach in Malabo; a popular local beauty spot. “..not too bad as nasty foreign jails go...almost cushy after Eton...” Mann remarked with his characteristically endearing stoicism as he toyed absentmindedly with the chains adorning his wrists.
Shares in several leading British companies took a tumble today as leaked copies of Mann's list circulated in the City. “Poor show...letting the side down” was the muted response of one senior government minister, speaking from Heathrow Airport on his way to an urgent conference abroad.
Meanwhile rumours that Harrison Ford has been asked to play Mann in a forthcoming film of the mischievous scamp's adventures suggest that Mann may yet leave them all with EG on their faces.
The playing fields of Eton will be closed this Easter Weekend for essential mine clearance.
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